I'm doing it wrong.

UGGGH.

Mindful mothering.

Trying to do my best.

Making sure I'm in the habit of not just praising my daughter's beauty, but also her intelligence.

But I forgot something very important, and I feel like it needs to be clarified.

You can't just tell your kid they are a genius. Even if they are. I promise.

I'm a teacher.

I went to school for four long years to learn things like that.

They were looooooong years, by the way.

In Utah, which is kind of a synonym for "Hell".

Just kidding. Just kidding I promise! Utah is not that bad. But it is weird. Weird and Stepfordy. More in urban settings. Moab is awesome. Everywhere else? Big hair. Too much mascara. Too many Crafty mcCraftersons trying to put big flowers bows on everything all the time. Too much "anthro-inspired" decor. Why can't they just type the whole word? It is not hard to type, people. Just type it out so I don't punch you in the throat, ok?

Anyway.

What? You have a genius child? And you tell them that alllll the time?

Oh. Cool. Good for you.

Guess what?

Smartie pants kids are lucky to have lots of smarts. And from the time it is discovered that they are little geniuses, they get told that on a regular basis, and it feeds that sweet little ego and they. love. it. Who wouldn't want to be smart?

But that intelligence is a gift, not something they worked extra hard for.

And sometimes, even for little genius kiddos, something is going to be extra hard for them to understand.
And when that happens, they do not have the safe little cushion of intelligence to help them out.

And they freak. And lose all their confidence because being smart was their "thing" and now they don't have a "thing" anymore. And they don't have the importance of trying ingrained in them because trying hard is not something they have really had to do. And it is not even their fault! It's our fault for making them rely on their intelligence more than their efforts.

Contrast this with a child of average intelligence who doesn't always pick up on things right away, but with focused effort almost always understands things after a little work.

Things are hard? Oh, NBD. They can handle it because it's what they do. They focus, they ask questions, they think about it, and finally...they get it.

So in all that 5-1 stuff, when I told you to tell your babies how smart they are, make sure you aren't debilitating them for life, ok?


Effort.

Effort.

Effort.

It's key. It's more key than natural intelligence. And I know that in my classroom (I have a poster that says, "It's ok  to not know, but it's not ok to not try,") but just had the epiphany today that I've got to transfer it to our home. That Isla has to be praised for trying to do things even when she fails, and trying to understand things even when she doesn't, because trying is key. It's been a day full of "Look how hard you are trying to walk! Yay!" and "You are really trying to open that door. Let me show you how." I know she is a baby, folks, but habit. I want to get into the habit of talking to her like this.

So keep that in mind with those precious young minds you're molding in your life.

 And I haven't read this yet, but I just ordered it and am looking forward to it.